Restless perspectives on dating...

Watch Me First

Now granted, I realize that the character in this movie wasn't really looking for a long-term relationship but his observations remain apropos.  I'm frustrated with dating as a 40-something - it feels more complicated than what I remember in high school/college.  Perhaps this is because, at that age, pretty much everyone you ran into was eligible, everybody was pretty much looking for the same thing and there were so many more opportunities to meet people.

Now, with my work schedule, travel schedule, and the fact that I don't drink alcohol or smoke, I find "random run-ins" (you know, where you just bump into somebody amazing at the grocery store, gym, etc. and strike up a conversation) aren't really happening.  I'm not going to do the bar scene (see "alcohol/smoking" issues above), and don't really think trying to date somebody I work with is such a hot idea.  Which brings us to on-line dating...

I've been a subscriber to several on-line dating sites over the past few years, with very mixed results.  And it seems like every time you turn around, there's a new site with some new algorithm, formula or approach to prey upon the single and lonely, the desperate and the helpless romantics.  Match, eHarmony, PlentyofFish (seriously???), OKCupid, ChristianSingles, Cougar-something or other (I'm SO not kidding), and the list goes on and on and on and on....

I opted for Match which is where I currently stake my claim in the dating universe.  Yes, Match, with it's lack of security, no filtering or checking of information claims on the part of its users - may it be praised.  My results have been hot and cold.  Certainly I've met some nice people, some who still remain friends.  But haven't found "the one".  Not that I believe in "just one".  No, that's not a ringing endorsement for polygamy; I simply mean I don't think there's only one person out there that will make me happy.

I guess for me, I just struggle with the "first few dates" process.  Meeting people, trying to determine if they're being genuine or staging a Broadway production for your benefit, getting through the awkwardness of those initial questions, yadda yadda...  And don't get me started on the people who put a false picture on their profile, or lie about their age/weight/height/number of kids/marital status.  Do they think I'm going to somehow overlook that blatant dishonesty/deception and not care because after actually meeting them, I'm swept off my feet??  Think again, liars, think again...

I long for the time just beyond the "screening and assessment" stage - the time in a relationship where you feel you know each other (quirks and all) and can simply have fun enjoying each other's company, doing things together, connecting with friends and family and being partners-in-crime.  Harry said it best...

New Year's philosophy

Of course, to get to the "happy fun time", you have to go through screening and assessment.  No exceptions, no shortcuts...  And you have to do that over and over - many, many times to finally connect with someone where you really feel chemistry.  It's like playing bingo - and I'm never the guy that fills his board...

But I remain undeterred.  I'm not willing to walk away from the notion that true love exists and it's out there somewhere waiting for me.  Some amazing, attractive, independent woman with intelligence, depth, and great communication skills that's going to take my breath away, make me want to be a better man (thanks, Jack!), and will make all the drudgery, searches, screenings, etc. worthwhile.  If you know her, would you pretty please send me her username?   : )