Thursday, August 2, 2012

Restless about random things...

I had to fly to NYC recently on business.  LaGuardia is infamous for flight delays, congested tarmacs, and abusive luggage-handlers.  The 15 minutes or so, however, leading up to final approach offer some of the most amazing views of Manhattan and display the sheer size of the Big Apple.  I captured a few pics of a birds-eye view of the city during the flight (check them out on my Facebook page).

I mention the above because the delays associated with this most recent trip occurred on the tarmac.  On my flight up to NY we landed but had to wait on the tarmac for about an hour.  Then on the return leg, we were forced to sit on the tarmac for about 90 minutes before getting green-lighted to take-off and head back to Atlanta.  Given that I rarely sleep on planes (a curse, I realize), didn't have suitable reading material, and wasn't able to turn on my electronic device, I had plenty of time to entertain random thoughts.  It's safe to say that my head is like a Club Lounge at the airport where the thoughts, like passengers, drift in and out awaiting flights with some meandering for blocks of time and others hurrying in for a swift drink, a handful of peanuts, and a quick flight status update before rushing out to be somewhere more important.  I therefore share some of the random thoughts for your reading pleasure:
Ready or not - here they come...

  • During a physical exam, why does the doctor/nurse grab my testicles and then ask me to cough of all things?  What on earth does THAT measure?  Why not make me moo like a cow or scream in surprise due to the coldness of said medical professional's icy fingers?
  • How did the airlines so subtly manage to remove so many of the traditional services (movies, etc.) and start charging us for the others?  Did you know they're now charging extras for window and aisle seats on some flights?
  • How many people on this plane have a criminal record?  How many are afraid of flying?  How many are looking around like me and asking these same questions??
  • If you're a relatively obese person and require 1.5 seats or 2 seats on an airplane given your girth, shouldn't the airlines be required to offer some opportunity for larger persons to secure multiple seats at a time when flying without additional cost or with perhaps a small up-charge?  The coach seats haven't kept up with the "expanding nature" of many of the passengers...
  • Isn't it funny that the word "lisp" has that "s" in it to make everyone that says it sound like they have one?
  • What is it about people that makes them talk like a 6 month-old whenever they're in front of one?
  • Have you ever noticed how yawns are contagious?  Next time you're talking to a friend (either in person or on the phone), observe what happens if one of you yawns.  It's inevitable - the other person will yawn back and a total yawn-battle will occur.  What causes that??
  • Delta now offers WiFi on most of its flights within the US.  They've retro-fitted all the signage above every seat on the airplane (where the seatbelt and no-smoking signals are) with a little blue WiFi logo that lights up when there's an internet signal on board.  What on earth did it cost the airline to insert that little light-up sign thingy on every airplane?
  • What is the little box-like thingy found under some of the seats on the airplane that makes it impossible to stow a lap-top bag down there?  What was so stinking important that they needed to construct that little plastic box thingy?  It's not a life-vest, or sensitive electronics gear so what the hell?
  • There's a great restaurant called "Ted's Montana Grill" that has become a recent favorite of mine.  The straws they offer with your beverage are actually made of paper vs. plastic.  I don't mean to question the obvious here but how the hell does that work?  Shouldn't the paper go totally soft half-way during the meal and dissolve into your drink?  What are they coating on those bad boys to make them withstand disintegration and is that same chemical leaking into my drink?
  • Getting back to the physical, why do they always measure my height when I go for a visit?  I understand taking my weight and all but my height??  Do they think I might be shrinking in my early 40's?  And what on earth is the charge per visit for hopping up on the scale and using that little metal measuring-stick thingy?
  • How much business does SkyMall magazine (every seat on an airplane offers a little catalog where passengers can review and purchase random products called "SkyMall") do every year?  Is there some obscure psychological connection between air travel and consumer spending habits?
  • Why is the stewardess depicted in the in-flight safety video (the red-head) becoming more and more attractive to me the more I see that video?  And what's up with the smug grin on the one female passenger who's returning her tray table to the upright and locked position?  What was she thinking about?
  • Why do we call the war between the states in US history the Civil War?  Where did that name come from?
  • Why is the water in the lavatory toilet sometimes that crazy fluorescent shade of blue and sometimes clear?  What's that about?
  • Why do they have those silly little handles on the lavatory sink that only dispense like 2 seconds of water at a time?  Isn't it time for an upgrade?
  • How many throw-up bags get used on airplanes on average per month?
  • Do condom manufacturers have someone that tries on a random sample of their product for quality control, etc.?  Is that someone's actual job and what would the title be on their resume?
Sid and Andrew attempt to console their friend
 who was turned down for the job...
Durex needs YOU!!!

I'll stop there for now.  Feel free to respond in the comments section with possible answers to any of the above or to submit a random question or two of your own.  I imagine there'll be future delays on future flights so this might become a regular installment.  Lucky you!!

: )