Redneck and Restless

They're VERY selective...

Allow me to thwart a stereotype...

I spent most of my childhood and formidable years in the South: Georgia, Alabama, Tennessee, and the Carolinas (North and South).  Granted, I've lived in other places: New Jersey, Utah, Germany, Brazil - but the majority of my life can be traced back to the lower right-hand corner of these United States.

This makes me Southern - a Southerner, or Southern gentleman, if you prefer.  A good ole' country boy (to quote John Denver).  I am not, however, a true through-and-through redneck.  Sorry to disappoint.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't consider the label of "redneck" to be insulting, at least not in these parts. It's simply that I no longer qualify for the title, given my completion of higher education and the fact that I've traveled and lived beyond the Mason-Dixon line.  I'm now only eligible for 'honorary guest' status to the redneck fraternity, thus allowing the order to maintain the rigorous eligibility/membership requirements needed for this rare privilege.  Additionally, I've lost my Southern accent with all the moving around, thus raising many an eyebrow amongst the local constituency.

No explanation needed

I'm proud of my heritage, proud of the culture of this great part of the world.  And, truth be told, I'm envious of many rednecks I was raised with and consider my friends.  There's is such a simple life, unfettered by the demands of high society, regular grooming, fashion sense.  One have only turn to the likes of Larry the Cable Guy (actually a guy named Daniel Lawrence Whitney from - are you ready for this??? - NEBRASKA), Jeff Foxworthy (master of the comedic art of identifying rednecks within the general populace), Ray Stevens, or Rodney Carrington to gain a richer appreciation and understanding of their fascinating and wonderful culture.

And who's to say that each of ya'll might not have an ounce or two of redneck in ya' (see how smoothly I transition to the mode of speaking).  It's mighty easy to tell, I reckon.  Just take a gander at the following list of questions:

Redneck "Dipping Pool"

1. Do you live (or have you lived) in the Southeastern United States?
2. Do you reside in a bulk-manufactured residence (mobile home, trailer, modular home)?
3. Do you tend to gravitate towards Country Music Television (CMT), Turner South, or other channels that pride themselves on regular showings of "Matlock", "Beverly Hillbillies", "Hee Haw", or "The Dukes of Hazzard"?
4. Do you find yourself shopping most frequently at Wal-Mart, Super Wal-Mart, or "Piggly Wiggly"?
5. Are you a rabid NASCAR fan?  Are you unusually obsessed with the Earnhardt family?
6. Do you have an affection for eating at the following establishments: Cracker Barrel, Waffle House (or Huddle House for those with less-refined palates), Stuckey's, Shoney's, Po'Folks, Logan's Roadhouse?
7. Do you have an unusually large collection of ball caps, beer logos, or confederate flag memorabilia in your home?
8. Do you lean towards the musical offerings of Lynrd Skynrd, Charlie Daniels, Hank Williams, ZZTop,  the Allman Brothers, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Eagles, The Georgia Satellites, George Thorogood, Kid Rock, Steve Miller Band, Stevie Ray Vaughan, or the like?

While not intended to be an exhaustive list, it does begin to separate the wheat from the tares, as it were.  For those of you alarmed to be answering "yes" to some or many of the questions above, don't panic.  This doesn't mean you're necessarily full-blooded, down-home, trailer trash deceiving the masses in the Northeast, or on the West coast.  You're not infected, and it's not contagious.  Take pride, as I do, that you have a little "redneck" in you.  You're still a country-mile away from full initation.  As stated earlier, the application process is fierce...

Director of Admissions