Restless about parenthood...

I'm proud of many things in my life - my career, my friendships, my family, my associations with colleagues (okay, my dating track record leaves a little to be desired but that is a work-in-progress and I was out of action for a number of years so cut me a little slack).  But seriously, of all the accomplishments I think of in my personal and professional life, nothing affords me greater happiness than my role as a father.

Ever since I was a kid I longed to be a dad - to be the kind of man my father was to me and to have the kind of relationship and friendship with a child like I so fondly remember from my youth.  To laugh together, offer advice (and hopefully wisdom on occasion), to do things - anything and everything - together, and to be the best of friends.  My dad was my hero - plain and simple.  And I wanted to be somebody's hero, too.

Like a little doll...

I was richly blessed with a happy and healthy son.  I still remember the day he was born.  He came early - some three weeks premature.  He was so small, so fragile, yet so alive.  I remember commenting to my parents at the awesomeness of procreation - how indescribable the feeling to know that I had taken part in creating that little body and giving it life.  To know that my ex-wife and I had made that little guy is still humbling and surreal and miraculous.

Fast forward.  I am the proud, beaming papa of a tall, lanky, 18-year old named Kellen.    He is in a word - awesome, albeit a little hairier and smellier than the baby from the last paragraph but ever the miracle.  He is in many ways a "miniature me" - similar tastes in reading, food, sports teams, etc.  And yet, he is so completely opposite me in other ways - personality, interests, career ambitions, etc.  He is a juxtaposition of the Restless Recruiter's yin and yang - both what I am and what I am not - and I couldn't be more pleased.  And yet...

Kellen and his cousin - when binkies were cool...

This year will mark a number of key milestones in my son's life.  First, he recently completed his Eagle Scout, the first in our family to ever achieve this distinction.  This year he graduates from high school - that key time in a young person's life signaling the end of childhood and the beginning of adulthood.  Later this year my son will begin serving a two-year mission for the church.  We've no idea where he might be called to serve.  I was sent to Brazil for my mission, my brother to Chicago, our friends to countless other locations, domestic and abroad.  He could literally be called to serve anywhere around the globe.  And finally, prior to departing for his mission, we'll be submitting applications for colleges/universities where he hopes to attend following his missionary program.  And all this will take place over the next nine months.

Father and son - when Hugh Grant hair was cool, apparently...

Now I could easily launch into an introspective rant against the passage of time - where did the years go, our children grow up so quickly - but I'd rather focus on the excitement of the moments still to come.  The thrill of knowing my son is now a young man, armed with the opportunity to go into the world and stake his claim.  It's a time of reflection.  Have I taught him what he needs to know?  Have I prepared him for what lies ahead?  Is he ready to stand on his own?  I can't help but think back on my maturity level at that age - just 19 and seemingly without a clue.  Is it just me or does my son seem so much more ready to tackle these challenges than I was?  So much more comfortable in his own skin?  I'm so excited for him to experience the great learnings and social interactions that impact a missionary serving his fellow man.  The service, the charity, the hard work - all will serve to build and shape character.  To enable him to see firsthand the value in giving yourself to God in faith - in allowing Him to make of my child what He will - and only He can.  Where will he serve?  Where will he attend college?  So many questions - and so many answers yet to be written...

My son, the future rocket scientist...

Sadly, I realize we'll shortly be closing a chapter in our relationship together.  A very special chapter as I think about our summer traditions, our Spring Break vacations, my relentless nagging and insistence he submit his high school homework on time (sorry, big guy - I meant well).  The little man from so many photographs and memories now stands two inches taller than his old man (yet still infinitely skinnier so...).  And he's so grown up.  And he's quiet, thoughtful, creative, and reserved - yet filled with an inquisitive mind, a desire to help others, and the same sweet spirit I remember since he smiled during the APGAR test within his first hour of mortality.

I can only imagine that the months ahead hold many tearful moments of nostalgia for me - of watching my boy truly become a man, of seeing him go out into the world to be a teacher, a missionary, an example to others.  I'm going to be an empty-nester in a more official capacity.  This will be our last summer before mission, college, career, and who-knows-what else.  I hope I've done enough - spent the time with him and had the experiences that will serve as a foundation for the rest of his life.  And I hope I've built enough memories to serve as a reserve against the many months of separation that will see us apart.  It's been so hard already having months of separation each year following the divorce.  I only hope I'm ready to go two whole years without his presence.

Kellen in the adult size...

My advice to all the parents out there is to not take a moment for granted in the relationships with your children.  Love them, play with them, pay attention to them.  The return on that investment is far richer than any stock purchase or bonus, more valuable than any portfolio or possession.  Because at the end of the day, I love my son and I know he loves me - what more could I possibly want...  

Restless about Resolutions...

Happy New Year!  For several years now I've honored the tradition of spending at least part of the winter holiday in the warmth and comfort of the Caribbean.  This year was no exception as I recently returned from a scuba holiday in the Bahamas.  Imagine eight glorious days spent sailing around the Exuma Cays, twenty-two dives (including a midnight dive on New Year's Eve to ring in 2013), great food, warm weather, salty sea air, and an endless supply of Jack Reacher novels (I'm considering a "bromance" with Lee Child).  And I returned from my trip a Master Scuba Diver - a firm and fixed goal I had set earlier in the year that I was strongly committed to accomplishing.

That general concept of goal-setting each year is what I had hoped to reflect upon here.  That time-honored January tradition of the New Year's resolution.  Perhaps a few minutes on the history and then some perspective?  Let's dance...

Through the Ages

Celebrating the reset of the annual calendar and, with it, the concept of resolutions finds its recorded origins dating back to around 2000 B.C.  Babylonians held festivals and marked the beginnings of each new year by promising their gods to pay off debtors and return any borrowed items to their lenders.  Similarly, the Romans began each year by making promises to their god, Janus (where January got it's name), whose two faces symbolized beginnings and endings.

Specifically in American history, about 25% of American adults established New Year's resolutions at the end of the Great Depression.  Compare that number with approximately 40% of Americans who made resolutions during Y2K.  A University of Scranton study published this past year indicated 45% of Americans usually make New Year resolutions.  I can only hope that number will continue to rise each year as we (openly or privately) find a few moments during the season to reflect on ourselves, areas for growth or improvement, and opportunities to transform individual weaknesses into strengths.

Consider also that the objective focus of resolutions has evolved over time much like the traditions surrounding the New Year.  In the 1800s, typical New Year resolutions targeted good works: becoming less self-centered, more helpful, improving one's internal character.  By the year 2000, the majority of annual goals trended more towards overall appearance, body image, health, and diet.

The Numbers ain't Pretty

And how do we fare in actually achieving our annual goals?  We stink at it, unfortunately.  A 2007 University of Bristol study found that 88% of those who established resolutions failed, often within the first two months.  The 2012 University of Scranton study (mentioned above) indicated that only 8% of those surveyed reported achieving their resolutions from previous years.  There's tremendous opportunity and room for improvement, I guess.

Let us not be deterred, however, in the pursuit of this most noble of exercises and fond traditions.  Whether you're aspiring to live life more fully, be more thrifty with your finances, become more organized, achieve new levels of fitness or overall health, kick an unhealthy or unwelcome habit (smoking, unnecessary ranting, etc.), or be a more active contributor to helping the less fortunate - the annual tradition of establishing resolutions is an excellent exercise in self-reflection, self-improvement, and self-awareness.  It allows us to establish personal order in our lives, to retake some measure of control from the external demands of work, civic responsibilities, social media, mind-numbing television, and other pulls for our time and attention.

You've Got Mail

I have an older brother, an Air Force pilot who's been a role model, the family story-teller, and personal source of admiration for years.  Rob epitomizes what an older brother can and should be to a younger brother, but one of the traits he possesses that I most respect is his commitment to self-improvement on his own terms.  Rob is a big proponent of goals.  One of the traditions he started recently (several years ago) is writing a letter to himself in the third person at the start of each year.  In it, he reflects back on the previous year, what he was able to accomplish in terms of his annual resolutions, where he fell short and why, and some reflective observation about how and why he went astray.  He then uses the second half of the letter to establish his resolutions for the upcoming year.  What's more, he approaches this by first establishing some key themes - general concepts that he feels are important (e.g., get healthier) and then adding a series of specific daily, weekly or sometimes monthly action items that allow him to measure his progress against the larger resolutions (e.g., exercise 30 minutes daily, run 5 miles each week, etc.).

What's also great about the letters is he keeps them in his journal and reviews them throughout the year for an occasional reminder or to share with those close in his life to rally their support and participation in helping him achieve his annual ambitions.  I think it's a novel approach, not one I had heard before, and I admire his discipline and resolve to measuring his progress in pursuit of being a better man.

Good luck with your goals and resolutions in the New Year.  No matter your approach or tradition, may you find success on your journey to health, wealth, friendship, service, and charity in 2013.  Until next time!