A funny thing happened...

Greetings, readers!

Yes, yes, I realize I've been checked out for several weeks and I apologize for leaving you hanging, so to speak.  We have lots to catch up on - my recent trip to Brazil, an excellent visit to NYC, and some exciting adventures planned in the next several months.  But first...

I had a surreal experience on a flight home recently from NY's LaGuardia airport last week.  Without question, the most ill-mannered and rude person I've ever met was seated next to me and attempted throughout the entire flight to try and bring me and the passengers seated around us down to her level.  I was going to spend paragraphs describing the horrors of this woman but, quite honestly, didn't want to give her the fanfare.  I've chosen instead to provide a summary of the events to give you a flavor of what transpired for 2 hours in the skies between the Big Apple and Atlanta...

1. I board the aircraft with an aisle seat.  Find someone in my seat because she's in their seat.  We call a flight attendant who straightens things out (she tried to steal a window seat as she didn't want to be in the middle).
2. Later on, she tells me I need to switch seats with her, as she had a ticket for that particular flight while I was flying standby as a Medallion passenger (I was booked for a later flight but got to the airport early enough to go sooner).  Says it isn't fair she's in the middle and that I need to move.  I politely and respectfully decline as I'm 6'1" and she's 5'4"after a chiropractor visit.
3. Keeps closing my air vent immediately after I open it during taxi and after takeoff.  Have to call flight attendant to have her stop.
4. Intentionally eats a shortbread cookie over the armrest separating us and blows crumbs on my blazer (I kid you not, she's doing it intentionally like a 4-year old).  Have to ask her three times to stop before again calling over a flight attendant who tells her she's being rude and to stop annoying the other passengers.
5. Kicks the back of the seat in front of her when that passenger reclines his seat.  Causes an incident with this man and his wife throughout the flight for shoving her knees in the back of the seat because she's "uncomfortable".
6. Tells the man behind her his feet are sticking into her hiney through the seat on several occasions.  The man in question has had his feet on the floor the entire time and tells her she's an idiot.
7. Drops her water bottle screwtop in my lap and then ignores me three times when I try and return it.  When I drop it on the floor, she gets angry and insists I pick it up and give it to her.  I ignore her.
8. Tells the man in the window seat that his music is too loud, that it's annoying her, and to please turn it off.  He gives her a classic expression, turns it down for a few minutes, only to turn it right back up.  He begins dancing in his seat, much to her chagrin.
9. Tells me during the flight I'm not allowed to be using my Smartphone device as it's not authorized for use, despite having an "Airplane Mode" and being connected to the flight's wifi service.  I tell her she's wrong only to have her threaten me with notifying a flight attendant.  I call over said flight attendant who shows the woman in the flight magazine that my device is perfectly legal for in-flight use, again asks her politely to mind her own business and to stop harassing the passengers.
10. Tries on two occasions to step over me to visit the lavatory, despite knowing full well there isn't sufficient space for that to happen without me first getting up.  I block her twice to be able to actually stand for her to pass - she gets mad both times and says I'm rude.
11. The flight attendant who's had to address these multiple issues visits our rows while the woman is in the lavatory to offer each of us free drinks and snacks (the paid variety).  All around me accept wine and cocktails while I enjoy two complimentary bags of M&M Peanuts.
12. When we deplane the aircraft, the passengers around us actually stop and cheer/applause as this woman collects her four carry-on items and deplanes the aircraft.  First time I've seen that happen...ever...

As I'm leaving the aircraft (I had to stay back a bit to secure my carry-on which was placed about seven rows back from where I was seated - see my earlier blog on air travel...), the pilot pulls me aside, shakes my hand, and apologizes on behalf of the airline for my travel experience.  He mentions the flight attendant had notified him of an unruly passenger and they were close to deciding to return to LaGuardia to force her off the plane.  Not wanting to disrupt everyone's travel, they made the decision to proceed.  I thanked him, acknowledged it was the right decision, and insisted they were welcome to read all about the "Monster in 24E" in my recent blog.  The flight attendant was thrilled to learn I had taken a picture of the woman during the flight (without her knowledge) and would be using it for photographic evidence.  You'll see her pictured below.  I warn you all - do NOT approach this woman whilst flying and be very careful if you find her illegally seated in your aisle or window seat.  She drools, spits crumbs, kicks, uses profanity, and carries a NewYorker magazine...

The "Monster from 24E"...

My thanks again to the flight crew for handling this situation so masterfully and for making a horrible situation with a passenger bearable for those on board (you know who you are!).  I actually kept the second bag of M&Ms as a small trophy from the experience.  Stop by and see 'em...

NOTE:  I want to hear about your worst experience with a passenger - be it on a plane, train, bus, or boat.  I imagine there are some real zingers out there so reply below and share your worst!!!